


Blink If You Want Me

by lorenzobane



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Magnus's past, Psuedoscience, Suicide mention, Time Travel, racism mention, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:02:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7613794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorenzobane/pseuds/lorenzobane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus answered without looking at him, “he prefers payment in three moments in a person’s life. Past,” Magnus let his hand flourish through the area creating blue sparkles, “present,” the sparks turned red, “and future,” the sparks turned gold. </p><p>Or: Traveling to the alternate dimension destabilized the Earth's core, and in order to fix it Magnus has to make a payment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blink If You Want Me

Alec looked around the strange Warlock’s apartment with great curiosity. It was unlike Magnus’s obsessively and tastefully decorated loft, and had more an air of haunting sadness. Large paintings of lost loves and friends hung on nearly every surface, their eyes following every movement. 

“Are you sure you can’t do this Magnus?” Clary asked. 

Alec saw her point, he had seen Magnus fight a Shadowhunter, move his entire apartment and then summon a Greater Demon… And then just walk away casually. Why exactlycould he not do this?

“She has a point, Bane,” Jace continued. 

Alec was silent though. He had just told Magnus he was planning on getting married a few days ago and things were strained with everyone. Including him and Jace. 

Magnus rolled his eyes and scoffed, “I have a great many talents, Golden Boy, but rest assured I have never had a particular talent for Paleomagnetism and how that impactsinter- dimensional travel. Come to me when you want to deal with the impact of relativity on Quantum Physics.” 

Alec, who had no idea how relativity would impact Quantum physics and certainly did not know much about Inter-dimensional travel wanted to know more but kept his mouth shut. His relationship with the Warlock was strained at best and Magnus certainly hadn’t done anything to ease the situation. 

“Fine,” Jace replied crossing his arms. 

“Magnus!” A short, neon orange man scuffled into the room. He had huge fuchsia bat wings and was wearing a rather jaunty top hat. 

“Aster!” Magnus said with equal delight, leaning down to kiss the man on both cheeks. 

“What do you need?” 

“Oh… Who said I need anything?” Magnus said with a flirtatious grin at the short warlock. It made Alec’s insides twist unpleasantly with jealousy but he pinned it down. He didn’t have the right. 

Aster playfully hit Magnus, “oh, hush.” 

Magnus smiled back before looking seriously at the warlock, “Valentine is back.” 

Aster looked unhappy, “how did this happen?” 

“It hardly matters now. The reality of the situation is while we attempted to outwit him,” Magnus continued, “we weakened the bond of the dimension… We risk letting the planetary core’s collapse unless you’re able to stabilize it.” 

“And payment?” 

Magnus opened his mouth but Jace cut in. 

“Didn’t you hear him, man? The planet might literally shake loose.” 

Aster rolled his eyes and ignored Jace.

“Well Magnus?” 

“Your usual?” 

“I’m an old man, Magnus. The pleasures of the material world no longer please me, don’t judge my payment.” 

“I never would, old friend.” 

“What is his payment?” Alec said, speaking for the first time. 

Magnus answered without looking at him, “he prefers payment in three moments in a person’s life. Past,” Magnus let his hand flourish through the area creating blue sparkles, “present,” the sparks turned red, “and future,” the sparks turned gold. 

“You and your flair for dramatics,” Aster said smiling softly shaking his head. “And who will be paying? I do rather hope you will, old friend. Your stories are often the best.” 

Clary pulled at Magnus’s shirt, “do you lose the memories you give?” 

Aster gasped at the question. 

“No of course not, young lady! I am not a monster. I just wish to share stories, to see the moments of humanity in my clients. There has never been a man I have met that is more human, more generous and more warm than Magnus Bane. I would never rob him of a treasured memory.” 

Alec wondered what relationship these two warlocks have to speak to each other so fondly, with so much warmth and affection. 

Magnus smiled, “I am happy to pay your toll.” He turned around to face the Shadowhunters. “These memories have a tendency to be personal. I would appreciate your discretion with what you will see. In fact,” Magnus’s eyes flash, “I insist upon it.” 

“Do you get to pick the memories?” Izzy asked. 

“No, the orb will chose two from my past and relative present (between one and two weeks). After that it will burn into one moment from my future. Obviously that will not be set in stone, yet they do have a tendency to come to pass.” 

Alec looked in fascination as the orange man brought a glittering orb and Magnus rolled up his elaborate sleeves. 

Magnus touched the globe and the air sizzled and popped before a shimmering mirage appeared before them. Almost like a movie screen, yet with the slightly hazy, rose tinted nature of a memory. 

_There was a beautiful woman sitting in a small room with a dirt floor, and Magnus was next to her though Alec needed a moment to recognize him. Magnus was dressed very plainly, and was very tanned as if he had spent the entire day working outside._

_“Come on, darling,” the woman said._ It was clear that they could only understand the exchange because it was Magnus’s memory and he could understand the exchange. 

_The young Magnus looked frustrated at the paper in his hands, “The be… The be… The…”_

_Younger Magnus through the paper in the air in frustration, “I am unable to do this.”_

_The woman sighed and held the man’s hand, “Magnus…”_

_“Do not call me that,” younger Magnus snapped._ Alec was surprised, but he supposed that Magnus was not his real name.

_“And why not? Are you not great?”_

_“No, Intan, I am not great and it is a stupid nickname,” Magnus said glaring at the paper._

_“You’ll learn to read. I promise,” Intan responded._

_“Have you considered, my love, that I am too stupid to read? To write? Perhaps I am not half the man you think I am?” Magnus responded._

Intan slapped him, and Alec can’t help but appreciate that she did. He can’t stand to hear the warlock ever think of himself that low. 

_“Now you listen to me, the greatest pain in my side. Magnus Bane,”_ Alec breathed in a sharp gasp at the realization that this woman gave Magnus his name, “ _I fell in love with you when you were tricking wealthy men into thinking you are more powerful than you are. I love you now, in this small home as we struggle. But do not ever say to me that you are less brilliant, less kind and less great than I think you are. You will not die,_ ” the Magnus standing next to Alec took a sharp breath, _“but I will, so I need you to remember that without me.”_

_“Please do not speak of that,” the younger Magnus replied._

_“No, you listen to me. Do you really believe that white men are smarter than you? Are you prepared to be in subjection to them for hundreds of years? Your answer should be no. There is no other choice for you, my love. You have to be smarter than them, more well read than them, more eloquent than them to get half the respect you deserve. But you promise me now, promise me, that you will never bend your back to men who think they are superior to you because of your skin or your heritage. I call you Magnus because it means ‘Great’. You might not be great yet, my darling, but I expect you to earn that name. Grow into it. ”_

_“What if its too hard?” the younger Magnus asked._ Alec’s heart hurt listening to this woman and just about shattered with the next words she spoke. 

_“You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. That is all,” she said simply. Then she reached down and grabbed the paper and held it for him, “read.”_

The vision shuddered out and the group took a collective gasp at the feeling of pressure change as the memory dissolved. 

“She was my first love,” Magnus said his eyes wide and wet with tears, “so unbelievably tough. So unendingly honorable.” 

Alec didn’t know what to say and it was clear that none of the mortals in the room did but Aster moved to his side.

“I’ve always wondered how you chose Magnus Bane.” 

“She always claimed I was a great pest… The name stuck.” 

The two warlocks stood next to each other in support and solidarity, the Shadowhunters remained respectfully silent. 

“Are you ready?” Aster asked. 

“Yes, I wonder which memory it will choose?” 

Alec was particularly interested in this one because the time frame, a week or two before the moment occurring, would have been just prior to Magnus meeting him. 

“Let us find out,” Aster said pushing the orb back into Magnus’s hands. This time they were more prepared for the pressure shift. 

_The memory was a glamorous restaurant, the walls glittering blue and the tables a stark white. Magnus, a few weeks before Alec met him, ran in looking harried._

_At the table an elegant Black woman was already sitting down and drinking a glass of white wine._

_“I am so sorry I am late, Caterina.”_

_She shrugged, “you’re paying.”_

_Magnus chuckled softly and began looking at the menu, “how was the hospital?”_

_“Exhausting. I can’t believe how tiring nursing is, I mean I spent much of the eighteen hundreds chasing you from one wild adventure to the next and this is somehow worse.”_

_“You can always come stay with me and be my kept woman,” Magnus responded with a smirk._

_She ignored him, “is that a hickey I see on your neck?”_

_Magnus’s hand immediately flew to his clean neck before lowering his hand again immediately, “that was mean.”_

Alec once again burned with jealousy, but reminds himself this was before Magnus even met him and aside from that the warlock hardly owed him monogamy. 

_“Please tell me you did not sleep with that idiot.”_

Magnus looked uncomfortable, and Alec sure felt uncomfortable. He wished he didn’t have to listen to this. 

_“Well I made a deal with myself… He was good in bed so I promised myself I would take him on a date…”_

_“And?” Caterina asked with interest. “Your romantic shit show is half my life’s delight.”_

_“He was possibly the worst person I have ever met. His name is Carter the son of a wealthy land developer in Florida… He works on Wall Street and he spoke about himself literally non-stop.”_

Alec smirked to himself at the whiney tone in Magnus’s voice. 

_“It was just so shallow,” Magnus continued to gripe taking a huge sip of wine._

_“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”_

_“You want to know the worst part, Cat? The worst part is I gave him a real shot. I just want something… Someone to make me feel alive again.”_

_“No one can do that for you.”_

_“I know… I just, how much longer can I keep doing this, Cat? Day after day of pointless, arrogant clients, maybe go to a show, maybe have sex, maybe go to a party… It just is starting to feel like I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore.”_

_Caterina held her hand out to grasp his, “what brought this on, darling?”_

_“Maryse Lightwood,”_ at this Izzy and Alec exchanged a glance, “ _she called me for something idiotic again. She then proceeded to call Downworlders ‘slaves to their impulses’ and then showed me the door. I mean is money really worth that? I swear to you, Caterina, if I have to speak to another Shadowhunter I am going to plunge my ruby hilt dagger into my chest.”_

_“Don’t say that,” Caterina said sharply without a smile. “Did you hear about Fernando Bleak?”_

_“Suicide?”_

_She nodded._

_“It is our most common cause of death… At some point you start to wonder what the point in another endless century is.”_

The memory shimmered to an end.

“Magnus,” Izzy said, “I am so sorry. So, so sorry about my mother. She is… A difficult woman.” 

Alec nodded, and tried not to think of all the times he himself said that Downworlders were slaves to their impulses. 

Magnus smiled at her, “I have come to find that despite her actions she has raised several wonderful children and for that I can not fault her.” 

Alec meanwhile was deep in thought. These memories added a lot of depth to an already surprisingly deep man. He thought of the voice Magnus had used when he said that Alec unlocked something in him. He hadn’t realized just how dark Magnus had been, didn’t even consider how hard it is to go on endlessly without any chance of major changes. 

He also thought of the woman Magnus had loved, the first love. Her support of him, the words she had spoken to Magnus. The name she gave him. He wondered if he could ever come close to having a space like that in Magnus’s heart. It was clear that though the pain had dulled, losing Intan had never completely been moved past. 

He never considered that Magnus had to learn to read as an adult. There was so much about Magnus he didn’t know…. 

Alec cut off that line of thinking right there. He was still getting married, and the wedding was approaching with alarming speed. He was marrying Lydia, a kind, smart woman with a good heart. He needed to forget Magnus, though it was becoming more difficult. The more he learned about the Magnus the more he wanted him, not the opposite. He wanted to get to know the man with an unbending back, with a fighters spirit, and yet a man who maintains the ability to love. 

“One more!” Aster’s voice cut through the din of Alec’s mind. 

“The future,” Magnus said. For the first time Magnus looked nervous. 

The air shimmered one more time and this time they were back in Magnus’s loft where he was standing in front of a navy blue six year old boy. 

_“Why are you not more excited, Blueberry? We’re doing times tables today!”_

_The boy groaned, “we’ve been learning stuff all day, Ayah.”_

The Magnus who was standing in the room with them took a deep gasping breath, like the shock was overwhelming him, but the memory kept playing. 

_“Come on, Blueberry. Just do the seven times table to twelve and then we can play.”_

_“Can we get ice cream?”_

_“Your father would not approve of that,” Magnus answered with fake severity._

Alec felt like the world had tilted. He knew Magnus would move on after him, but to know that he would move on so well… To know he would have a child with some strange man? It hurt more than he thought it would. 

Magnus, for his part, had tears streaming down his face at the image of himself with a child. 

_“Nu-huh, daddy lets me have ice cream whenever I want.”_

_“Is that right?” Magnus replied with amusement._

_The young boy nodded and Magnus clearly wasn’t able to take it any more. He launched himself at the little boy and tickled his tummy._

_“Ayah!” the boy cried through the giggles._

_“Liars get tickles!” Magnus replied continuing to make the child laugh hysterically. His own smile wider and more genuine than anything Alec had seen on the Warlock’s face._

_“Its the truth!” the boy responded through laughs, “daddy gives me ice cream!”_

_The laughter of the boy and Magnus masked the sound of a door opening because right as the boy said that another voice joined the room._

_“What is this slander?”_

Alec knew that voice. He knew that voice well. He knew that voice because it was…

_Future Alec walked into the room and the boy immediately wiggled out of Magnus’s grip._

_“Daddy! You’re home!”_

_“That’s right, Blueberry,” future Alec said with a smile, before picking the boy up and pressing a kiss on boy’s head. Future Magnus smiled tenderly and stood up to place a kiss on future Alec’s lips._

_“Welcome home, darling.”_

The vision shuddered out. 

Alec couldn’t breath. He thinks he might be having a heart attack, or a panic attack, or both. What the hell. How can the future be him and Magnus? He was getting married literally tomorrow. 

Magnus didn’t look like he was in any position to answer questions, tears were streaming down his face faster and more furiously than anything Alec had ever seen. What was most disconcerting was that his face wasn’t changing, he wasn’t breathing hard… Tears were just falling out of his eyes. 

“Warlocks… Warlocks are infertile,” Magnus said speaking to Aster. 

“Who can predict the future, Magnus?” 

“Ayah… Ayah means father.” 

“So does daddy,” Alec said his voice strange. 

This seemed to pull Magnus out of his funk and he shook his head twice like a dog trying to get rid of water. 

“May I speak to Alexander for a moment?” 

Izzy looked like she was going to say something but Alec shook his head. 

The room now empty he looked at Magnus’s human eyes, Magnus look one steadying breath before speaking. 

“Every action you take changes the future. Every decision you make alters the timeline and nothing is certain.” 

Alec opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, so Magnus continued. 

“What we saw… What we saw is no guarantee of how it will be,” the _no matter how much I wish it was_ left unsaid. “There are futures where we are together and happy. Universes where we’ve gone through a messy divorce. Universes where you are married to Lydia and raise children with her.

“My point, Alexander, is this. The future we saw… That is as everything stands right now. If you make every decision the same way that the man in the memory did. You aren’t bound to me by fate just because of what we saw. Don't do anything because you feel you must.” 

Alec’s tongue unstuck from the roof of his mouth, “but… But that is a possible future? Us? With a child? Happy?” 

Magnus didn’t look thrilled at this line of conversation but nodded regardless, “yes. It is a possible future.” 

“What if… What if…” 

“Don’t,” Magnus closed his eyes like he was in pain, “Don’t. All I have ever wanted is a family, a child of my own. I came to terms with the fact that I will never have that life… And now…” He cut himself off and took a deep breath, “you’re getting married. I am not going to indulge in fantasy if that is future I’m never going to get.” 

All of a sudden the flood gates opened and Alec couldn’t turn his back if he tried. This man spent the last half hour opening his heart in order to save the world, and he did it in front of a group of people who have been known to dehumanize and disregard him. Magnus showed his memories to a _Alec_ who had routinely trampled on his heart. 

Magnus deserved better than what he was getting, but if he wanted Alec then maybe Alec wanted the future in the crystal ball too. 

Alec opened his mouth to say that but Magnus was already turning around to walk away. In a panicked gesture Alec grabbed Magnus’s shirt and turned him around. Without thinking much further he slammed a kiss on Magnus’s surprised lips. 

Alec wasn’t surprised that it felt like coming home. He kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, because why shouldn’t he? The world clearly hadn’t ended with him choosing Magnus, that was clear if the way Future Alec walked in still covered in runes indicated. Maybe, just maybe, Alec could be happy. 

And if Alec really played his cards right, maybe he could make Magnus happy too. 

**Author's Note:**

> The other day it suddenly hit me, the show can't use the Magnus Bane Chronicles! Which means I can totally fuck around with his origin story if I want to... And that left me with an inordinate sense of power. I just love the concept of him falling in love for the first time with the person who taught him to read... Which someone must have right? 
> 
> ANYWAY reviews are love, and I will fully admit that this story is entirely just wish fulfillment. Hope you enjoyed it a little though :)
> 
> Anyway feel free to follow me and yell at me at: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/menckenschrestomethy


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